there are things in life that you just can't control..no matter how hard you try, if it's meant to happen (or at least you think it is) ..it'll probably and most likely will..even if you don't like it..or even if you take all the necessary precautions to avoid it..it'll just go around in circles and meet you up in the other end..it's just a matter of timing..that's just how it is..life is life and we're just living it..
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thank God it's friday (oh, it's lola's , dominic's and shesther's birthdays today :p) a major hell week has just passed..all the pile-up of work for econtri, finacct , finama2 and kaspil are officially dismantled..the long week of not being able to greet mr. sandman with proper decorum would end tonight..*insert choir of angels*
even though i'm quite happy that the work's all done (for the meantime)..i'm still really, really bothered by a lot of things lately.. :-(
i can feel it in my bones that i will suffer at the end of this term..i know that it is something that is natural but i just can't help but feel bothered by it..i mean, who would want to suffer that anyway, right?
yes..it's the f word..
failure..(not THAT f word :p)
even though i may not admit it, i do fear failing a whole lot and i hate seeing myself as a failure..you, dear reader, may look upon it as pride or interpret it negatively but i dunno..who would want to suffer failure anyway, right? another reason why i fear it is maybe i haven't really experienced it..well something that's major and could cause me a lot of things..
my friend amelie and i have once talked about taking risks..and yes, we both avoid it as much as possible..(scaredy cats :p haha) *sigh* it's not that i hate it or anything..i just don't want other people to be disappointed in me, or pity me for a mistake i've made..
well, is it pride? hmmmm..maybe..
without risk though, where would we come to? *sigh*
i hate this anxious//worried//uptight feeling..i wish i could just wish them all away..
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stress is bad...why?
-makes you ugly..pimples and eye bags! ahaha!
-i gain weight coz of it..rawr! haha :D
(i wish i was those types of people who would lose weight when stressed :p)
-lessens life span (really? dunno :p )
-just makes you feel bad..and that in itself is bad enough :p
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sometimes i cannot help but think that i made it to where i am by just pretending to know and understand what i really don't..imagine that eh? it's a weird thought but...what if, right?
i really can't say if what i just said was true or merely another product of my who-knows-what- imagination but hey, if it is, i must be one great actress to boot :p
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"i've suffered too much..but i'm still holding on.."
-- the message on a brown shirt worn by a guy walking towards my direction :) 5:17 pm near the mrt stationLabels: failing, fear, hope, just me, life, outlet, release, thoughts
~ isabel ~ posted @
Friday, March 30, 2007,3:00 PM
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waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!
...how i wish i could pull out a scream like that right at this moment..
*i miss rooftop hang-out days*
**----**
who the hell would believe i'm in such hell, with all the papers and requirements i need to comply with, when i can still blog about it, right?
well, i need to...it's some sort of therapy...or else i will be driven insane one of these days...
to those who help me keep my senses intact, i give my gratutude, you know who you guys are.. :D
and to those who continuously contribute to pushing me towards the edge of my sanity...thank you for the added challenge...
...nah, who am i kidding??!! damn you all to the endless pit of doom!!!!
(insert evil laughter here)
(i just had to type that..it was too good to pass :p but of course, it was just a manifestation of the my breakdown symptoms.. :p )
God! just let things go right..i'm not asking for anything much now..i just want things to be fine...
*sigh, sigh*
my classmate, al just told me that going crazy is but normal.. :p
i guess that IS sort of true..but still, all this stress is BAAAAD for me..or for anyone ot the very least.. grrrrrr!!
so much for treatment..session's over..
now, back to the real world..
*bleep*Labels: going crazy..., pressure, release, therapy, torture
~ isabel ~ posted @
Saturday, March 24, 2007,10:54 PM
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it's weird coz i wanna cry so hard but i can't feel any tears coming out..
to sum it all up, i feel like sh*t today and i'm sooo very disappointed at myself..
that's what i wanna say for now..Labels: bad day, heartbreak..., losing hope
~ isabel ~ posted @
Monday, March 19, 2007,6:25 PM
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~ searching for something more.. ~
oh yeah, before anything else, there's a special person in my life who celebrated her birthday yesterday..technically, it ended a while ago :p i remember, when i was young, we had this refridgerator in the kitchen and we would always measure if i was already taller than the ref.. :p at present, i am both taller than the ref and taller than her as well, hehehe :p i love going back to those silly sweet memories :D
everything i am today wouldn't be possible without her..i know it's quite predictable..who else could it be but my one and only mom :) i love you mom..thanks for being a great mom and a great friend as well..although i cannot put into words how much you really mean to me, believe me, you do :) thank you for all the sacrifices and for always understanding us :p *hugs and kisses*
hmmm..anyway, it's been a busy and eventful week..how i wish i had hermione's time turner (is that right? i'm not really sure if i remember the name correctly :p) so i can do everything that i want to do..finish my assignments, do my reports, study, get a job, hang-out, watch a movie AND try out for fencing *tears, tears* (i soooo envy arik for being able to try out :"( hayyy, have fun though, dude :p)..
anyway, for now, i'd have to settle with doing things one at a time..*trying my best*
recurring word for the week: "ate"
hahaha, it's funny coz i hear that everyday (my sister calls me that, of course) but this week, my frosh classmates (especially james, from oblicon class..hmp :p) have been calling me that..hahaha..i'm happy though coz i think it's some form of respect but sometimes i think james does it to tease me, hahaha :p
it's been a real while since i heard my long lost friends call me by ate bel, my elem and high school nickname.. (although there have been a few of them resurfacing time after time :p) i do miss it sometimes but i i'd be lying if i said that i am not fond of being called by isabel or isa.. :) hearing those two names make me feel all grown up..quite ironic coz being called an ate usually entails maturity :p
i've faced a fear this week, and it wasn't so bad :) after everything, it was still a big YES..but i am yet to hear what has come out of my decision :P we'll see before march ends
election week again next week..hayyy, all the campaigns..and instant "buddies"..haha, forgive the sarcasm but it's a bit true naman eh..as for my vote, i am yet to decide on my final choices..but i AM biased.. :D haha
oh..it's enrollment period once again..i got so excited last monday coz i had the honor of being an advanced enrollee :D wow..soo happy but guilty coz i haven't been as active at COSCA as i was before..hmmm..wow, can't believe i'll be in my third year next term..time flies soooo fast :)
what else? i've been driven curious by someone recently..it's just for fun but it's not good, hahaha..maybe i'll just shut up about that for now :p hehe..at least i find simple reasons to smile everyday, right?
hmmm..now to the opposite of smiling, yes, i've had reason for that too..what irritates me is that, yes, i was at fault, but c'mon.. it's too shallow and quite senseless too..but if that's how it's gonna be, i've done my part..i can't do anything about it..call it pride but i have a right to get iritated too..
*yawn* i'm getting sleepy..i'll be back tomorrow i guess :D so glad to be home..hayyy..hakuna matata till tomorrow night :D yey!
much love and God bless :)
(sorri for the scattered thoughts..sleepy head)
~ isabel ~ posted @
Saturday, March 17, 2007,1:33 AM
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[shout-outs: belated happy birthday to by brother, enzo :) (march 5)]
i just can't believe that it's march once again...*sigh* time flies soooo fast...and i don't know if that's something to be happy about at this point..
hmmm..life's been pretty weird lately..if you, reader, have been reading my past write-ups in my multiply and here in my blogger account, you already know that i'm having problems with my academic performance lately..*sigh* my grades are at an all time low..and i have a very big chance of failing my managerial economics subject.. :-/ i know there's still time but i'm having doubts if i can still catch up..
james, my frosh classmate from my obligations and conracts subject asked me about the "sophomore slump" syndrome..(if you, reader, are clueless of what that is, it's a term for diminishing academic performance as time passes by) needless to say, yes, i think i am suffering from this sophomore slump syndrome..a modified form of it at least..coz i've been doing really well for the past two terms..then came the horrible third term..*sigh* so much work and pressure..so little time..and lazy me..the result is close to disastrous..
i'm really bothered by my lack of enthusiasm for school work lately..i mean, it's not that i was really obssessed with getting 4.0s in all my subjects, but i always tried doing my best..now, i hardly study and often, i find myself soooo lazy, not wanting to do anything but stare into space..or do something else rather than school work (sleep, go out..you name it, haha :p)
i dunno..maybe i just need a break..and of course, summer's obviously just around the corner..so maybe i just really want the break so bad that i'd settle for mediocrity these days.. yeah, i guess i am tired..or i lost something along the way..something concerning my drive and passion to do stuff to the best i can..
haha..i suddenly remembered my friend jowee singing the line: you are not alone after our quiz in econtri..hahaha..yes, apparently, a lot of us are in the sophomore slump mode, right amelie? haha :) i hate this term..but i AM learning a lot of lessons from it..God has his reasons i guess :)
jon, my cousin, tells me that things would be alright..and it's really good that i know and recognize that something IS not right, rather than just leaving things be..
oh well, it's not over until it is.. and i'll try doing what i have to do now.. i hope, hehe :p
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the trend is starting to get weird..i'm starting to believe it's suicide season now..
-a batchmate from high school jumped from the 7th floor of their condo a few weeks ago..a friend told me that it happened coz of love problems..
-while walking to the mrt station the other day, i saw this man was clinging on the billboard along edsa..dunno what happened to him though..
-jon's schoolmate jumped from the 18th floor of her condo and landed on the 8th floor..the girl was still alive and was still talking after the fall but died eventually later on..
we all have unique life scenarios..and different problems..but life shouldn't be wasted just like that..the Person Up There will always be around..and of course, hope is always there :)
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survey to end this one.. :p
1) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
-- me? haha..somewhere between single and crushin, i guess..weheheh :p
2) Are you happy with where you are?
-- yep.. :D but i think there's still something lacking..hmmmm :p
3) When you meet the right person, wud you fall fast?
-- if i did meet him, i wouldn't know instantly if he is the right one..haha :D so i guess it would take some time :)
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
-- i've had my share of disappointments..dunno if they're considered heartaches though :p haha
5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
-- uhm, as of now, i don't think so..but hey, if you're doing it, you'll end up justifying your actions.. :p
6.) Would you ever take back a cheater?
-- depends on the circumstances :p
7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
-- yep, haha :D my sis and mom, cousins, tita, friends..i talked about it with several guys too..including.. haha :D
8) Do you want children?
-- yep :)
9) How many?
-- three i guess :)
10) Would you consider adoption?
-- ..yep, why not :D
11) If somebody liked you right now,what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
-- i'd really appreciate something romantic..haha :p but him telling me face to face that he does would be enough :") nyahaha
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
-- i don't think anyone's tried yet, haha :p but i dunno..depends :D
13) Do you believe love at first sightexists?
--nah..
14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
--yup :)
15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
--me? haha..let's just say that everyone can make you change, but only if you let them :)
16) If u could get married anywherewhere would it be (money's not an option)?
--i wouldn't know yet :p
17) Do you have feelings for someoneright now?
-- haha
18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
--yeah, but holding on to nothing is no good
19) Have you ever broken a heart?
-- dunno..sana wala :)
20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
-- depends on the situation :p
21) Ever regret anything?
-- not really, but i there was this one time i said no to something..and sometimes i still wonder what would have happened had i said yes instead :p haha
22) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?
--ex what? hahaha :D
**--**
~ isabel ~ posted @
Saturday, March 10, 2007,2:27 PM
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