it was one hell of a bad day for me last tuesday. first off, i studied my ass off the night before so i could get a good score on my finrisk exam (since i have failed the past 2 quizzes). after that all-nighter, i was good to go and was confident before the exam (for the first time). i did the quiz and felt okay until i found out i mixed up on something which affected the outcome of everything. felt dang bad about that but i let it pass coz well, i did my part, God knows that so i'll just wait for the outcome.
next off, later that afternoon when we passed our final draft to our panel, well, let's just say that all hell broke loose. we were like mutes in front of our panelist which was bad enough. i hardly do this but fuck! i felt broken into pieces and my thesismates felt pretty much the same. for the first time, i cried like a mad(wo)man (to my mom on my cellphone). i was fucking scared..for me, for my friends/thesismates. after i calmed myself down, i decided to go and get coffee at beanhoppers. luckily, sandy and angel b. were there. i cried embarrassingly in front of them but i'm glad they somehow rescued me.
we went to MOA later that evening to meet up with arem to pick up stuff for ate terts. the four of us hung out that night. that tuesday was indeed a day to remember.
to arem, sandy and angel...thank you and i love the three of you more than you'll ever know :)
to amelie, dominic and jowee...we have to fight this. i am dang scared for all of us and rarely does this kind of fear haunt me..there's still time. there's still hope..whatever the outcome..well..we'll pull through..one way or another.
judgement will be passed this coming tuesday. i am so fucking scared.
God, i apologize for this but Holy week was hell week..and it is extended for next week.
God help us.
~ isabel ~ posted @
Saturday, March 22, 2008,5:12 PM
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~ line by line. and something else. ~
whatever.
i'm tired of caring too much about what people think.
i'm tired of adjusting for others to be comfortable.
i gave you my warning before.
i don't think you gave importance to it.
i think you thought it was a joke.
well, guess what?
it's not.
maybe it was the timing
but...
*sigh* i thought FRIENDS understand.
apparently, this one is an exception
for both our sides.
why am i even explaining?
this will must be fixed.
eventually.
hopefully.
thank you.
words are not even enough.
you just being there
makes everything a little lighter
and that little is really a lot.
*****
whatta week.
lots of stress
..a lot more lessons learned.
pretty heavier ones still coming.
rebuilding my armor.
with all the debris
and something else
to make it stronger.
*****
sad.
it's been a while
but
i realized
i don't even know you.
not really.
*****
~ Everything was the same. They sat down, asked how each other was. Talked, laughed. She took a sip from her coffee and listened intently. He, besides musing on how he'd much prefer to drink something stronger, told her everything he hid from anyone else..the dreams, the secrets, the mistakes and all the hurt. She didn't mind. It was okay. It was just like the good old days. He paused to take a sip as well. Silence. Both laugh. He asked her how she's been. She rants about how boring her life was and still is, how it pales in comparison to his. He listens, as he always did. A thought slipped in his mind as she told her story. He later dismisses it. A beep interrupts the conversation. She had to go. So did he. They cheerfully parted ways, promising to meet again soon. Life goes on.. Someone chose to be silent. Someone found it better to talk...and someone typed away. :p ~
*****
~ isabel ~ posted @
Friday, March 14, 2008,3:18 PM
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you cannot blame her for feeling such
she's merely human
yet she chooses not to utter a word
not now..
but where to shall she run when it's her time to whisper?
she believes someone is waiting yet
she fears of it being a joke
rather she feels she is the joke
what ever had happened to the promise?
why can't she deliver?
and she asked
and thought
and then went on
waiting for the questions
to come to her once more.Labels: a day in my life, speak in silence
~ isabel ~ posted @
Monday, March 10, 2008,9:59 PM
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If you've seen the movie Patch Adams
(the movie that makes me wanna become a doctor...)
~erm..still open to the idea (??) :p haha!~
I'm sure you know this one..
In Spanish.. =)
SONETO XVII (Cien sonetos de amor)
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
Pablo Neruda, 1959
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love, darkly in my body
live the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.
The bold parts are the ones Patch recited to Corinne after her funeral.
How I wish I had the gift. I tried but.. wasn't for me, I guess. :p
*****
Just some weird trivia about me..
I don't know how to use chopsticks.
Well, yeah, I can use them but there's this weird problem I have with my hand that gives me great difficulty when I use them. My sister always points out how I hold chopsticks awkwardly and that doesn't help either, hahaha. I feel like a four-year-old when we eat at Chinese and Japanese restaurants. I even try to practice (haha!) but sheesh..the kid still hasn't learned.
Oh well, more restaurants to visit so I can learn, haha :D
I actually like the smell of Ajax.
HAHA. I myself find that really weird. Mom says maybe I like it because my mind registers it as a "clean smell." Clean smell alright..ng CR!! Hahaha.. =)
*****
OCE (Oral Comprehensive Exam) is ooover :p
Thanks to Amelie, Dominic and Jowee :)
To Sir Pua and Sir Benedicto (our panel) as well..hehe :p
To Summarize: The whole thing was...funny (hehe) but a good learning experience.
THESIS NA LANG.
(insert sounds of horror..5th Symphony, pwede na :p)
oh, and a bunch of papers and reports as well, haha :DLabels: litera2, neruda, patch, sonnet 17
~ isabel ~ posted @
Sunday, March 09, 2008,10:00 PM
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--> ngayon lang ako ulit nakapag-puyat ng ganito (2:28am na sa orasan ko). ewan ko ba. nung mga nakaraang araw, lagi na lang akong inaantok at tila walang ganang gumawa ng kahit anu (kahit na alam kong masama yun). buti na lang, may sumampal sa akin kagabi at ginising ako. nagpapasalamat ako sa sampal mo. nabuhayan ako. buti na lang, kahit na hindi kita gaanong nakikita o nakakausap, at kahit hindi pa tayo ganun katagal magkakilala, nandyan ka pa din. salamat. kaibigan ka talaga. at gaya ng sinabi ko sa iyo kanina, mahal kita, sobra. =)
--> sana nahahati na lang ako. ang daming kong gustong gawin pero kahit gusto ng puso ko, hindi naman ako panahihintulutan ng aking katawan. nakakalungkot pero dito pumapasok ang elemento ng pagpili..ang pagsusuri kung aling mga bagay ang mas dapat bigyan ng atensiyon.
--> masuwerte ako. madami akong mga problema, oo.. pero kahit ganun, masuwerte pa rin talaga ako. =)
--> hindi kailangan ng mga salita para ipakita na pinagpapahalagahan mo ang isang tao.
--> bakit kaya takot pa rin ako?
--> hindi ko naman pala kailangan magpaliwanag palagi. hindi rin naman pala masama na umiyak paminsan-minsan, kahit na sa tingin ng iba, mababaw lang ang dahilan.
-->mahilig pala talaga ako mag-isip. sana lang sa susunod, may nagagawang maganda yung mga iniisip ko.Labels: nag-iisip ako
~ isabel ~ posted @
Saturday, March 08, 2008,2:26 AM
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~ for you guys on your day :) ~
Anyway, sorry this is late, Enzo. I'm preoccupied lately eh. I hope you understand.
Hmmm..what shall I say? Hahaha! Well, I know that deep in my heart, I'm thankful for having a little brother like you and that as we grow older, we learn how to communicate more. Hindi na kagaya ng dati na lagi kita sinusungitan, although I still do once in a while when I go home, hahaha :p
Basta, whatever happens, dito lang kami ni Ate Chi for you. I love you, Song! :)
Okay, tama na kasi ang mushy na, hehehe :D
HAPPY BIRHTDAY ENZO! :)
(march 05, 2008)
*****
JIRO! It's been a while! Hayyy..You should go back here sometime! SOON! :p Congratz on the car, hahaha!
Wish You All The Best! :)
HAPPY BIRHTDAY JIRO!! :D
~ isabel ~ posted @
Thursday, March 06, 2008,6:28 PM
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1. Slowly, I think I'm starting to open up. I am unsure, though, if that is a good or bad thing...or maybe it's mix of both. Lots of room for improvement though...lots and lots.
2. I can't express myself properly because of a lot of things. Sometimes I think I end up being misunderstood or I end up hurting someone unintentionally. I'd rather talk about something "lighter" ...or listen or shut up...or both (which I think is best). Again, I end with my line, "Hindi ko talaga ma-explain ng maayos."
3. Bored. That is the current state of my life nowadays. Someone had explained it to me the other night and I think he hit the bull's eye...except for the part about being a nun, hahaha :p (loko ka talaga, but thanks :p)
4. Thesis and OCE. I feel like the weak link. I'm so pathetic. I have an "I" word hammered on my forehead and I must remove it before it causes more damage.
5. What do I REALLY want, anyway? I've thought about it the past few days...and I still am. Processing...Processing...Processing.. :p
6. Yes, the past numbers have been quite negative (hehe :p) but despite everything, I am learning to appreciate (more) the beauty of life and, of course, the people who make it more meaningful...especially after yesterday after listening to everyone. Salamat. =)
7. There is no replacement (yet?? hahaha), but I think I've moved on, finally. I don't feel stupid nor have any regrets but looking back, I find the whole idea funny hahaha. Still, I want to say thank you. Someday, well...mag-uusap din tayo siguro ng maayos at tatawanan na lang natin ito (or ikaw tatawanan mo ako, hahaha!)... That is...if you'd even remember anything, knowing you. hahahahahaha :p (Issue! HAHAHA. ASA.)
8. "...like a kid not wanting to share his/her candies because the playmate already has his/her own...with even more flavors than what himself/herself had.." I think the kid is learning to grow up and realize that sharing candies will make life even more sweeter than it already is, or better yet, enable one to savor different adventures with one's tastebuds. =)
9. Promises. I really wish I can do more.
10. Whatever happens, I will always love Life..God, family, friends and all the people, places and moments I encounter..everything is priceless. Though low as I "appear" to be, I still find myself blessed and lucky...and of course, forever mushy and cheesy (as what someone had described me to be)..ewwwww :D hahaha..
*if you reach this point, i am oh-so proud of you, hahaha :p natagalan mo ang pagbasa nun..hehe :p*
smile and be happy :)
~ isabel ~ posted @
Sunday, March 02, 2008,10:06 AM
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