Just passing some time so I decided to pass by and rant. ;-)
I had fun during the weekend with my lovely teammates :)
It would've been great if we had more time (and cash, harhar!) to spare but oh well, I'm sure there would be many more trips to come :)
To Ana, Anton, Armar, Jesse, Jolet, Mark and Meanne, SALAMAT :) Go IB Team!
Moving on, I wanted to stay up last night so I'd be sleeping the whole day today. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, obviously. Oh well, I'm hoping I'd get to do something productive later on. :) Go to the grocery or something.. we'll see :)
*****
TODAY.
*****
you.
*****
Since I'm still holding back a lot of things because I am still selfish, confused, unsure and scared (hehe), I decided to just post some things that sort of relate to how I felt or am feeling.. It's like I'm using someone else's words and thoughts to say the things I want (or wanted) to say.. pathetic, really but I guess it helps me keep my sanity intact while I'm still trying to maybe figure something out.. or better yet, just let go and move on (yes, I'm getting more and more dramatic so I'll stop right there :-P)
Anyhoo, for those who wanna know, I'm not miserable or anything.
I'm perfectly happy... but I could always be happier. :)
These things are excerpts from
http://letterstocrushes.com/ and http://crushed.tumblr.com/.
comments in yellow are mine, hehe. Enjoy! :)
"...sometimes, you make it so difficult to hate you."
- you still do.. but now i i'm glad i can laugh about it. :)
~
"I will never tell you how I feel. I am inspired by your love for her … I wouldn’t have you feel any other way. I just want you to be happy, truly. So smile for me, okay?"
- hay. :)
~
"you don’t know how much you’re hurting me. and i can’t tell you why."
- two or maybe three? ;)
~
"i dont want to care anymore. im tired.
- bitter(?)
~
"Please stop showing up in my dreams."
- hahaha.. :)
~
"I wish I knew what to do with you."
- last one. ayoko na muna. :P
*****
off i go :) later!Labels: a day in my life, ranting
~ isabel ~ posted @
Monday, June 29, 2009,1:18 PM
.........................................................
I refuse to explain anything,
yet I still want to be understood.
...and now i roll my eyes.
at myself.
.
.
.
.
.
...by myself.
*****
oh look.. my blog header's back. :)
thanks han..Labels: a day in my life
~ isabel ~ posted @
Wednesday, June 24, 2009,7:30 PM
.........................................................
i was running late to work the other night so i chose to ride a cab instead. i walked to the stop light near our house and waited.
like most people i know, i also like the comfy-looking cabs... the ones that are nice to look at and great to ride in. so there goes one which i hail and in i go.
the driver was in his late 20s i guess.. didn't pay that much attention so long as he knew the way to where i was going. off we went to makati.
i looked around the interior of the car. nothing fancy but it was alright.. like i said, comfy. i glanced once in a while at the taxi meter, looking at how much my extra time in bed would cost me tonight. i wished buses were faster so i could go ride one even if i got up a little late than usual. the mrt was another option but i'd still have to ride a cab once i got to ayala so the cab was my last option.
it's so like me to think about stuff while commuting to work, and i pretty much did the same during that cab ride. my eyes wandered around, looking at the billboards (which had their lights off now) street lights and other things while cruising along the highway.
then i remembered THAT cab ride. the one where i was so drunk that everything was spinning... the one where i was conscious but was woozy and vulnerable. good thing i was with a friend, and the cab we got was nice. she told me at a later conversation that she felt scared for me that night. maybe coz she wasn't used to seeing me like that... or better yet, coz i'm usually not like that.
that cab ride WAS a little scary. it was 2am.. i was drunk and my friend's house was nearer than mine...meaning she was to go down before me... maybe that was why she was afraid.
i looked out the window. we were near boni station now. it was late so the traffic wasn't as heavy.
i remember when my friend got down the cab and told me to text her once i got home... or did she? i remember thanking her for that fun night, and as she slammed the door shut, the cab driver asked me where to next. i told him, "qc" and some more details as to how we'd get there. i felt the cab move and my head spin at the same time.
like some cab drivers, kuya started a little chit chat. i remember him mentioning something about his NBI clearance, but i could not recall why the heck that even entered the conversation. he said that he had a hard time getting one coz his name was similar to a cult leader or something. i remember more details about this as i type just now. i was so dizzy that even if i wanted to pay attention to his story, all i could say were words (?) sounding like i agreed or aknowledged what he said or was saying. i wanted to listen more but the alcohol overpowered me. i didn't want to sleep though, so the part of me that was afraid and sober kept me up.
then there was the final right turn to our street. i knew the guy knew i was drunk. i told him to stop by our gate and i tried to compose myself. i looked at the meter and gave him the fare (nope can't remember how much it was...) i got out and struggled to find my keys. it took about 5 seconds for me to find them (and that achievement made me say to myself "hindi naman ata ako lasing eh..") and when i looked back, he was still there, waiting till i got in. "what a nice guy," i thought.
we were at ayala avenue now. and i looking around again inside the cab, i suddenly thought that cab we rode that night might be this very one i was riding in. it was comfy... and kuya could be that same driver. i wanted to know if it was him, so maybe i could thank him for that night he waited, but how could i? i was too drunk to remember, fat chance it was THE same guy, and even if it WAS him, who was i to be THAT memorable? plus, it would be totally weird if i did remember him and thanked him. that sort of thing doesn't happen... this isn't some tv show or movie after all.
and then the right turn to the office. the cab stopped. i paid the fare. thanked the driver.
and off i went for another day (night) at work.Labels: a day in my life
~ isabel ~ posted @
Monday, June 22, 2009,6:17 PM
.........................................................
A little sick and disturbing.. :P
Read up, boys, haha.
http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts
Labels: Chuck Palahniuk, Guts
~ isabel ~ posted @
Thursday, June 18, 2009,11:52 AM
.........................................................
So here I am bored and blogging away on a Monday morning. I have to work again tonight and hopefully I'd be able to stay up later.
I was looking around at my Multiply account and the interface suddenly changed into the new layout they have been telling the users about. A friend actually told me about this the other day and it's the first time I actually got to see the "new Multiply." Not so bad... but anyway, I was looking around and I saw a lot of the past messages I got from people. It's fun reading these things after time has passed by. :)
One of the memorable messages was the trail I and a friend (?) had before I graduated from college. The "(?)" is there because we don't really know each other and just happened to study in the same university and have common contacts in Multiply, haha. Anyway, he shared some things about life and encouraged me a lot, much like how an older brother might have... or maybe how a teacher would to a student. He's older than me, (or at least I think he is, granting that he never answered anything about age, haha! Maybe about 10 years, I think? HAHA..) but it was like we were on the same level regarding things during that conversation... or maybe he was just being patient and all coz he knew how younger than him I was HAHA. (Peace!)
Anyway, I'd like to think I've grown up a bit (it's been about 9 months already) since then, but I still feel all the mixed feelings I've told him about then. But anyway, life has been kind to me and somehow, it was a treat re-reading that one.
(Hey you, if you happen to read this, I sent you a message. Thank you. :P )
Another trail of messages that I had fun reading about was about a friend of mine who thought I was talking about a guy in one of my blog entries... HAHA. I didn't even remember having that message trail until I read it again just now. It was proof of how scared I was of falling in love and having a relationship (HAHA, I don' t think that's a big secret if you know me personally :P). I read it and smiled to myself coz everything was TRUE... how I didn't want any commitments out of fear of being inadequate and the potential of hurting HIM (whoever he is) and myself, hahaha. Pathetic, I know but well... I am human after all. ;-)
Am I still afraid? Well, only time will tell :)
Anyhoo, I haven't eaten anything and it's almost lunchtime so off I go for now. :D
Have a great week, everyone :)Labels: a day in my life, paint me a picture, speak in silence
~ isabel ~ posted @
Monday, June 08, 2009,10:04 AM
.........................................................
